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My dear friend of 40 years died three weeks ago. As I was leaving the funeral her husband said to me, "Give me a call once in a while won't you?" Of course I would, I told him.
Well, it's been three weeks, and so I thought I'd give Ed a call. The phone rang four or five times and then it picked up...and there, as clear as day was my friend Maureen on the answering machine. "You've reached Maureen and Ed. Please leave a message and we'll get back to you." OH MY. Not a grainy, old answering machine...but one that really sounded like it was Maureen answering,,,clear as a bell, like she was really right there talking to me. It really knocked me off my pins for a minute.
Later Ed called me back, and I told him how shocking it was hearing Maureen on the answering machine. Ed said, "I should probably take it off, but I know I won't."
God love him, he can't let go of her. It's her voice. Healthy and happy and clear as a bell. I don't think I could either.
I suppose everyone is different. And of course, it depends on so many things, but if it were me, I don't think I could hear it, nor could I erase it.
Her clothes in the closets. Her laundry in the hamper. Her shoes. Oh it's just too much.

It takes time for some people to get over such a loss as a wife, husband,child, or even friend....... Men seem to have a harder time in letting go and moving forward...... It takes some over a year to just remove a voice from an answering machine. What they don't seem to remember is that in order to move on with their life they have to get past the past one.......Just takes some a little longer...Your friends husband needs his friends to help him over this mountain hes climbing.......Hes lucky to have you jilly as such a friend...........In time he will remove all her things and just rely on his memories to keep her close but for now its too fresh in his mind to do anything.......

Yes, I can see that would have been a huge shock for you too Jilly. The last thing you would have even thought was likely to happen really. It is a terribly difficult thing though for someone to remove completely the tangible things that remain of anyone near and dear to them. . I remember that for a long , long time every morning when I got up, I would look at my husbands toileteries in the bathroom and think , " I suppose I should take that away from there. " I would pick up his shaving brush, and hold it for minute and then put it back on the little stand it hung on beside his razor. I didn't know what to do with it really. I couldn't bring myself to just bin it. And it is not the sort of thing you can take to a charity shop, or give to anyone. So, for months, I just kept these things up picking and putting them back down again. His toothbrush, aftershave, and all that. One day I asked my close friend if she had been the same after her first husband died, and she told me that her sister had gathered up all of Bills personal stuff like that , and put it all in his coffin before it was sealed. That was a good idea. A little while after that, I realised that all of my DH's personal things, had disappeared from the bathroom. I was kind of relieved - it was almost a year after his death by then, so it was time they were disposed of because it just was not getting any easier for me to do it myself. I knew it would have had to have been my friend who had done that for me, although I have never actually asked her what she did with them. In fact neither of us has mentioned the subject to each other.
This same friend though, had recorded a message on their answer phone in her voice which said " Neither Bill or I can come to the phone right now, please leave a message , " etc etc. That recording was on there for years after Bill died, and I did ask her one day if she had forgotten . She said 'Oh no, I have left there on purpose. I just don't want to advertise the fact that I live here on my own that is all. !"
She since remarried, so then she changed the name to her second husbands . Unfortunately my friend has not had much luck with her husbands, because he also died after 6 years. Now her message says " Neither Walt or I can come to the phone right now... " I have to smile to myself , for at least I know what is behind her thinking, even though I do not quite understand it...

Jilly, I lost my gal in a car acc 5yrs ago and i know it's stupid but I still have her voice recorded on my cellphne she's just her larfn with her m8s I know I shud get rid of it but for me I just want to hear her voice again and to hear her sound if you get what I mean. Only two years ago I had gotten rid of her clothes and things there were a cuple of items I kept back and I look thru them now and again.

Even tho it's been three weeks to him it'l feel like yesterday when he lost her, just let him know you are there for him Jilly pop in every now and then I know my m8s did and they definately lifted my spirits up each day. Family are good but there are things you can talk to them about n things you cnt if you know what I mean. I felt like I was in a deep hole and cudnt get out but knowing what great family and m8s I had I'm still here today

Throught the years I have thought on and off, what I would do if suddenly dh were no longer with me. I honestly can't imagine. Getting rid of his toiletries, his clothes, his shoes...I just can't imagine. I guess the answer is, you just don't do anything until you're good and ready. I think it probably has everything to do with the pain. Until the pain subsides, you leave everything as it is.
I will give Ed a call now and again.