Realwomen.co.nz

:cry: :cry: :cry: Never under estimate the reality of the risks of passive smoking. One of my neighbours just came to tell me that while I was out this afternoon, that the lovely neighbour we shared between us, had just passed away. It was a huge shock to us all when she was diagnosed with lung cancer just a few short months ago. She, who had never held a cigarette between her lips told us that her doctor had told her that her particularly aggressive kind of lung cancer was as a result of years of passive smoking, and she had just a short time to live. She who had been the kindest most caring soul, who had nursed her own smoking mother till her demise. Both her parents were heavy smokers throughout her childhood and into her adult years. Then she married a smoker tolerating his smoking in the house and in their car until emphsemia forced him to give up.
For the nearly 10 years , that I have lived next door to her, she has faithfully tended , her husband wheelchair bound, hooked up to oxygen bottle much of the time, has had only enough energy to grouch and grumble at her and would likely have spent the last breath in his body doing so, had she not gone ahead of him. She who never once said his years of smoking in the house, and in their car, had contributed to her sudden illness but she continued to the very end to worry about what would happen to him, if she were to go first. We her friends, could not imagine that would possible. He had been close to death several times throughout last winter and could no longer take more than two or three steps without assistance. But now she has gone. I shouldn't be critical of him I suppose, but he has been a perfect shit to her at times, and she never deserved what has happened to her. She was an amazing lady. A totally unselfish woman, who never wept or wailed in self pity, nor ever pointed a finger of blame. She simply said, that life was too short to be spent in recriminations, and as there was nothing that could be done to rid her of the cancer, she would continue to live as best she could with it for the time she had left. And so she did.. her sense of humour was with her right to the end.. as was her amazing dignity. I cannot believe she has gone from us so quickly.
As an ex smoker, I hate to think what damage I may have done to my family when they were small. I can only hope that I gave up the deadly habit, before permanent damage occured to any of them. It took a cancer scare of my own to see me quit. I'll admit for my own selfish reasons too, , more than the health of my family. I just did not accept back then that the risks from passive smoking were a reality. But they certainly are. Now, I look back and the only consolation that I have resulting from my years as a smoker, is that my children all say now, that it was the smell of my cigarette smoke that made each of them resolve never ever to become a smoker themselves. And none of them have. Thank God for that.. It never ceases to shock me though, the number of young people who still do it.. young mothers and all. If only they got to see the downfall of someone they loved as I have just done, they would surely never ever contemplate starting. ???? ..
I don't really know why I am writing all this about someone, none of you even know. I guess, I am hoping that my words might inspire any smoker who may read them, to at least try to quit while they are ahead, and to remind those that do not smoke to be thankful that they never got hooked into this evil habit in the first place.
Dear God, take good care of her now and grant to her, eternal rest.

Thank you Katy for that. Sometimes it just helps calm our minds to puts onto paper. The poor lady. Too often really good people are taken advantage of by shabby selfish people.

QUOTE:
........ Too often really good people are taken advantage of by shabby selfish people.

Couldn’t agree more -we all need to consider how our choices and behaviour impacts on others, not just those around us but the wider community.

Katy.... I too am an X smoker and can't stand to be around people who does smoke. I choke on the smoke.

That was a really nice tribute you said of your dear Friend and. I join in with you and hope I didn't wait so long either to quit. None of my 3 sons smoke because of me and their Father. My Hubby smokes now but he goes out side and doesn't smoke in the house. Thank God. Don't think I could take it.

Even though I didn't know your friend I too pray she is at peace and no more pain.

I'm a 'reformed' smoker too and I can't help noticing that at work non-smokers are very much inthe minority. I work in a brain injury rehab facility, as many of you know, and I sometimes find myself asking the question: "Is it because they have a brain injury that these people smoke, or did the injury occur because of the smoking?"

In my own case, the latter is at least partially true, and has ensured that our son has been anti-smoking since age 5,when he saw what it did to his Mum.

Dearest KKKKaty you have quite few losses of ones near, dear, and whom you have known well, this year. I guess it brings to mind our own vulnerabilities, we who are of the age, and younger RW to perhaps have a rethink after reading these true stories.

Thank you KKKaty I am sure your neighbour would have appreciated being appreciated by you and others.

What now for her husband. He will possibly follow her very soon.

OMGoodness.. It sounds dreadful but it would be best if he were to follow quickly ... it is a pitiful situation.I looked at him yesterday and wondered how in heavens name, HE could end up as the survivor. Still drinking like a fish - there is an alcohol problem as well as the emphysemia, it simply did not seem possible. At the funeral yesterday I could not help but feel the helplessness and hopelessness of his existence without her. I don't know what will happen really. There are adult family, but unless they have someone who will move in and live in to care for him, he will certainly have to go into care. Unfortunately he is not the sort of person who has endeared himself to anyone, so there is no queue of willing family members forming. It is a very sad situation, and I know her biggest fear and worry, was exactly this - what would happen if she went first. I told her, don't worry, that will never happen, and even just supposing it did, these things do have a way of working out in the end. We were wrong about one thing, so Que Sera Sera - what will be, will be. ... the future will enfold. We all just know how much she will be missed. I looked across this morning, and saw an empty, empty place.