Realwomen.co.nz

And I want to introduce myself - I am a plus size woman, but am not always happy about it.

Hello, I am Carla. I am from the United States. I am a mother of 2 girls, three kids if you include my husband. I am currently attending college full time. I am attaining my associates in Early Childhood Educattion. I have a goal to have a daycare started by the time I am 30. I am almost 26 now. I will be done with college hopefully next year.

I chose this site because I am a plus size woman. I am 5'10" and 250lbs.( I do not know the conversions to kg, sorry). For the most part, I do not look that bad. My stomach looks awful though. My husband tells me I am beautiful, I want to be a woman that my husband can look at and say " wow, she is mine". He does, but I do not believe he finds me that attractive physically. I worry because he IS an attractive man. Sometimes, I am fine with me, other times I absolutely HATE myself. I wish that I could just stop eating, and have more energy. I have even been desperate to do diet pills. I am scared to get addicted to them though, so I stopped. Everyone thinks it is so easy to just eat healthy and exercise and all that. It is not. To me being fat is like an addiction or something. Like people who smoke really want to quit, but have an extremely hard time doing so. Well, that is what it is like for me. I want to be more thin, but it seems like I just get more heavy.

Everyone on my mom's side of the family is twice as big as me. At least I am tall, haha. She, my mom, is not( fat or tall). She is very skinny. She hurts me without even knowing it. She will make stupid comments about her gaining weight. She will say, I can't believe I am in a size 8 already. She really makes me mad. I feel like she should consider who she is talking too. At least she is not a size 24. I hate it. I would kill just to be a 14 again, heck even an 18 I would be happy. The other day, she really did a bad thing. She took my picture. I know right now, I look awful and fat. I asked her and asked her not too, she just did not listen. Then after taking it, she sends it to everyone over the internet. I do not want people seeing me like that. Especially since neither my hair nor makeup was done. I could have killed her.

Skinny people just don't seem to know how I feel. I HATE those people always saying, I am getting fat. They can't know how much that hurts.

I feel like right now I am gaining a lot of weight. Before, you couldn't tell too much in my face, but now, even my face looks fat. How can I stop? I always feel hungary, and always feel tired. I need to resolve all of these issues with myself. People don't even know how this makes me feel. All they see is a fat person eating again.

I hope I did not bore anyone with this story. Sometimes, I can talk/type a lot. I am glad to have someone to share this with. Maybe someone who reads this will understand how I feel. Thanks for listening, I hope to become friends with everyone.

Bye Carla

Comments (2)