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It is estimated that three quarters of all problems with female sexuality (or sexual dysfunction) are to do with not coming during sex or foreplay.

The most common medical name for this is anorgasmia. And doctors, divide it into three main groups: primary (where there is no obvious physical or psychological cause found); related to a medical condition; or related to some substance like alcohol, drugs or medication.

Talking to a doctor about this problem is a good first step. Anorgasmia can sometimes have a physical cause, a normal physical examination by a doctor (possibly including some blood tests) can help rule out any common physical cause. A doctor also may be able to identify psychological factors (such as depression) that may have some bearing on the ability to enjoy sex or to reach orgasm.

Sexual response can be divided into three stages: desire, arousal and orgasm. It can be crucial for a woman to be aware whether she experiences both a desire for sex and arousal in response to sexual situations. A woman may have orgasms with one partner, but not with another; this may be caused by any number of reasons. Times of stress in a relationship can also influence sexual responses.

Masturbation and learning about your body are important aspects of understanding arousal and orgasm. In a good relationship you can work on exploring your sexual responses: an understanding and patient partner can be very important. Even without a regular partner, there are vibrators or other devices to help identify and work with positive experiences and increased ability. But learning about – and growing comfortable with – one’s body and one’s sexual feelings is the real answer.

With time and patience, most women will experience orgasm.

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