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I have come to a point where I recognise that is a truth I can no longer avoid, or actually even want to anymore.

I spent my childhood and teenage years being told I was worthless because I was overweight and was militantly unrepentant about gaining weight because of it.  My rebellion was staying that way.  I knew in my soul he was right, I was worthless because he’d told me so, but I went through phases where I told myself I was honestly trying to lose weight, but looking back, I wasn’t committed to it. 

Into my twenties and I found a man to love and had two wonderful boys who gave me, for the first time in my life, confidence in me.  My kids loved and admired me, I was a good mother, it was such a validation for me after a childhood that hadn’t had much of being told you had something to be proud of.  That part of my life was about learning that I wasn’t worthless, that I had things to give that others valued, that there were people in the world who saw more than the fact I was heavy.

Late twenties I was forced to realise that my marriage hadn’t ever been about me but about just about everyone else under the planet.  And I realised that no one was happy in it – not me, not him and certainly not the kids.  So I left. 

It was seven years ago that I wrote the Beginners Guide to Separation I and II articles.  Reading them now I see between the lines to a woman that was desperate to find some value in herself again.

I found that value over the next few years, getting a real live, paying job, being a solo mum, surviving a couple of really hard years.  There is no underestimating the strength you get from just knowing you can cope.  It was a hard lesson and I paid the price in countless tears, but I learnt it well.  There is nothing that can happen in your life that you cannot survive, if you choose to.

So my thirties are my years of accepting myself.  I found a new man, one who has seen the real Lise and loves me for who I really am, not the person I choose to show the world.  At my heaviest, I hit 127 kilos but I didn’t let it stop me.  I got a promotion, an even better real live (much better) paying job, could hold my own in business and social settings and was happy with who I was.  Truly happy, for the first time in my whole life.

And I looked at myself and realised that although I could accept who I was, could cope quite happily as a +sized woman, could face the world with my head high without having to put up a façade, there was something I wanted to do.  And I wanted to do it for me.
So here I am.  I am going to lose weight.  And (laughing) I am not going to do it by any half measures.  I am going to do it here on Realwomen for all of you to see.  You will see my before and progress photos, know my starting weight and how much I lose each week.  I am not planning to be shy about this.  For the first time in my life I am doing this for the right reasons.  For me.  Because I am ready to.

I am not going to lecture you on following me, though I am going to ask for your support!  This isn’t about pressurising anyone else into making a choice I know in my heart of hearts can only be made when you are in a particular place in your life.  For me, I am in that place.  Some people get there sooner, some later, some never want to and that is just fine with me.  Be happy with yourself, that is all I ever want to say to anyone else.  I don’t want anyone to feel bad or guilty or anything much at all, really, other than a desire to help me achieve this goal I’ve set myself.

If you want to join me, then that is just fine too.  I will offer you any support I can give. We are going to run this as a series of articles and a blog that will be open for your comments.  I have decided to use a product called OptiSlim in this quest and will give you my honest opinion on how much this helps me.

Right, so 119.8 kilos and because I know it’s up to me, today is the first day of the rest of my life.

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