|It's My Life, So.....|
I have come to a point where I recognise that is a truth I can no longer avoid, or actually even want to anymore.
I spent my childhood and teenage years being told I was worthless because I was overweight and was militantly unrepentant about gaining weight because of it. My rebellion was staying that way. I knew in my soul he was right, I was worthless because he’d told me so, but I went through phases where I told myself I was honestly trying to lose weight, but looking back, I wasn’t committed to it.
Into my twenties and I found a man to love and had two wonderful boys who gave me, for the first time in my life, confidence in me. My kids loved and admired me, I was a good mother, it was such a validation for me after a childhood that hadn’t had much of being told you had something to be proud of. That part of my life was about learning that I wasn’t worthless, that I had things to give that others valued, that there were people in the world who saw more than the fact I was heavy.
Late twenties I was forced to realise that my marriage hadn’t ever been about me but about just about everyone else under the planet. And I realised that no one was happy in it – not me, not him and certainly not the kids. So I left.
I found that value over the next few years, getting a real live, paying job, being a solo mum, surviving a couple of really hard years. There is no underestimating the strength you get from just knowing you can cope. It was a hard lesson and I paid the price in countless tears, but I learnt it well. There is nothing that can happen in your life that you cannot survive, if you choose to.
So my thirties are my years of accepting myself. I found a new man, one who has seen the real Lise and loves me for who I really am, not the person I choose to show the world. At my heaviest, I hit 127 kilos but I didn’t let it stop me. I got a promotion, an even better real live (much better) paying job, could hold my own in business and social settings and was happy with who I was. Truly happy, for the first time in my whole life.
And I looked at myself and realised that although I could accept who I was, could cope quite happily as a +sized woman, could face the world with my head high without having to put up a façade, there was something I wanted to do. And I wanted to do it for me.
I am not going to lecture you on following me, though I am going to ask for your support! This isn’t about pressurising anyone else into making a choice I know in my heart of hearts can only be made when you are in a particular place in your life. For me, I am in that place. Some people get there sooner, some later, some never want to and that is just fine with me. Be happy with yourself, that is all I ever want to say to anyone else. I don’t want anyone to feel bad or guilty or anything much at all, really, other than a desire to help me achieve this goal I’ve set myself.
If you want to join me, then that is just fine too. I will offer you any support I can give. We are going to run this as a series of articles and a blog that will be open for your comments. I have decided to use a product called OptiSlim in this quest and will give you my honest opinion on how much this helps me.
Right, so 119.8 kilos and because I know it’s up to me, today is the first day of the rest of my life.
written by Paula , 21 August, 2007
I applaud you Lise!
written by Pink Lady , 26 August, 2007
written by Lulu , 26 August, 2007
You Go Girl!
written by Deb D , 05 November, 2007
How are you going?
written by Moe , 29 March, 2008
Copyright 2007. All Rights Reserved.