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She was the youngest of three children growing up in Hertfordshire, England. Her brother and sister were both intellectually disabled so, aged 9, she went to a boarding school to have a 'normal' upbringing (away from her family and mixing with children from famous parents, it felt completely 'abnormal' to her!) When she was 14, her mum went into hospital for 4 weeks for tests as there were strange things going on~ she never came out again. Jean, the mum, was admitted to the psychiatric ward with the diagnosis of a 'mental breakdown'.

Now when the daughter went home for weekends, it was just her, her sister, brother, dad and his new girlfriend; he started seeing a lady when he was told that his wife's condition was terminal.

The new girlfriend didn't like the 'normal' girl and resented her being around. She wouldn't cook for her (for the rest of the family, yes, but not this 14 year old). One day, when the girl had used the pots that she herself wanted to use, there was a row and the Girlfriend chased the girl out of the house with a knife~ that's when the girl lost her access to the family home. The dad thought the sun shone out of his girlfriend and did nothing to defend his daughter.
The girl went back to boarding school and spent weekends with friends at their homes instead.

In the January of 1986, aged 15, 'girl's' sister died, aged 21. Her uncle came to the boarding school to break the news to her, and take her home to be with the family. She collapsed when she was told and was carried to her uncle's car and driven home. Her dad told her that her sister had died from an epileptic fit and if she had been at home, her sister may have lived. So, now our 'girl' is grieving and carrying a huge amount of guilt for staying away from home.

A month later, out walking a friends dog, and feeling as though no-one cares anymore- mum's ill in hospital, sister has just died, dad doesn't want to know and his girlfriend...forget it! The little dog scampered off and at that moment, she felt someones hand come down over her mouth from behind and push her to the ground. She lost her dignity, and her virginity as he held her at knife point and used her as a means to satisfy himself. She now knows that no-one loves her and nobody will ever love her, she's used goods, dirty and scarred.

She goes home, she needs to be loved, her dad says ' why did he pick you, he could have got someone better than you'. She goes back to school then, in a taxi with blood and him still running from her - they 'sort' her out. She is taken to a GP, with a male teacher, and then taken to the police and left there with a promise that it'll all be over soon, she hopes they mean her life.

Life doesn't end for her, she must carry on living but without a life.

November the 3rd, her Grandma dies, it's a Friday night and she can't go to see Grandad because she's with her mum who is terminally ill. Then Sunday the 5th November, her mum dies too. Mother and daughter died together over one weekend.

Why am I telling you about this girl and her sad life? Because you need to know there is hope.

She is now married to a wonderful man and is the mother of 4 beautiful children. She uses all the hurt from her dad to help her to be a better mum, she will never put her children down as he did, and they know that they are loved and will be no matter what they do or where they go.

At such a young age she felt she had nothing to live for, now aged 37, she sees that she has everything to live for and nothing to die for.

After the rape, she was told that she'd probably never be able to have children as he messed her up so badly~ she's thankful that the doctor was wrong.

She told her fiance the whole story one evening as they walked alongside a river, his reaction? He took a ring out of his pocket and said, 'I love you for who you are now and who you will be in the future, what happened is in the past and though it hurt you so much, lets make a future to look forward to' ~ she's grateful that the pills she took didn't work.

The man that tried to kill her only got a bit of her~ she's amazed that she lived through it.

I know this story is true because I am the girl that it's about, but right now, I am loved and appreciated by my wonderful hubby and my 4 gorgeous children, I live in freedom and not fear, I have chosen friends who are dearer to me than family ~ what more can I ask for?!

*~*~*~Paula~*~*~*

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